


Naughty Bits

by Irollforinitiative



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Bad Porn, Comedy, I swear it's all for comedy, It's purposefully bad, M/M, and awkward, no really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-12
Updated: 2012-08-12
Packaged: 2017-11-12 00:14:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/484492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irollforinitiative/pseuds/Irollforinitiative
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bit of crack and purposefully bad porn for the lovely Mystradedoodles.  And that's really all it is.  Bad, awkward, Mystrade porn that sounds like it was written by an 11 year old girl on crack.  This is what happens during hiatus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Naughty Bits

**Author's Note:**

> Please for the love of God remember I wrote this poorly on purpose. Take it with a grain of crack. Or a kilo.

Greg frowned as he waited for an empty cab to pass by.  He was anxious.  Much more anxious than a man in his 40’s should be for a date.  But it was his third date.  With Mycroft.  A man.  His ex-wife had laughed at him when she found out he was dating a man. Everyone at the yard was too.  45 years of life and suddenly he’s gay.  Or he might be after tonight.  The third date.  If you were going to have sex early on in your relationship it would be on the third date.  And Mycroft had invited him over for dinner at his flat.  Their first two dates were in public.  Under the eyes of others.  And now they were going to be alone.  Greg was anxious.

A cab came around the corner and Greg hailed it, sliding in and giving the driver Mycroft’s address.  He continued to fidget during the short drive.  He wasn’t hungry.  Not for food at least.  But Greg was still wrestling with his heterosexual mind because he was going to see Mycroft naked.  He was going to see Mycroft’s penis.  And, believe it or not, Greg wanted that. In fact, he wanted to touch their penises together.  Greg had toyed with the idea of penetration but it was too much too fast.  But penises touching, he could do that.

The cab pulled up in front of Mycroft’s flat and Greg got out, quickly moving to ring the buzzer for the top floor, the entirety of which was Mycroft’s.  “Mycroft, it’s me.  Let me up.”

“Gregory, perfect timing, I just finished cooking.”

The buzzer sounded and the door unlocked. Greg’s long legs ate up the distance as he climbed the stairs to Mycroft’s door, urged on by his desires. Before long he found himself knocking and was greeted by Mycroft’s wide smile. 

“Hello Gregory.”

“Hi.”

Mycroft stepped to the side and let Greg into the flat, the smell of cooking wafting out into the hallway. “I made Boeuf Bourguignon.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Mycroft’s eyebrows rose. “Oh?”

“Not for food anyways.” He reached out and put a hand on Mycroft’s chest. 

Mycroft grinned and locked the door, quickly leading Greg back into his bedroom. “I already had it set to stay warm. I’m not hungry for food either, my dear.”

As they walked Greg moved to kiss Mycroft, with tongue.  He backed them into the bedroom and tugged open Mycroft’s shirt, strewing the ripped buttons across the floor. “I must have you now.”

Mycroft moaned and nodded. “I know.  How would you have me? Do you wish to put it in me?”

“No, let’s touch our penises together.”

Mycroft grinned and pressed his hips against Greg’s.  It pushed their naught bits against one another’s.  It felt strange, but also good.  Greg tugged off Mycroft’s trousers and pants while Mycroft make short work of Greg’s.  Suddenly they were in bed together, naked, kissing like teenagers, and it felt right.  Mycroft rolled on top of Greg and softly held both of their penises in his hand.  Greg had to gasp at the dark purple 11 inches of Mycroft that was pressed against him.  One day, he thought, I will have that inside me.

As they began to rock against one another Greg felt any desire for vaginas and breasts fade away.  He wanted penises.  Only penises.  It was amazing.  With gasps and moans they made messes of themselves that Mycroft quickly cleaned up with nearby wetwipes.  Mycroft stood and pulled his trousers back on. 

“That was very good coitus.  You performed admirably.”

“My penis likes you, what can I say.”

“And mine likes you.”

They smiled at each other and knew, this was forever.  They would touch penises forever. Greg stood and frowned.

“Where are my pants?”

Mycroft blushed and looked at his hands. “I’ve hidden them away.  I’d like to keep them, if you don’t mind.”

Greg blushed too.  “That’s fine.  And now I’ll be commando in my jeans.  One less layer.”

Mycroft grinned wolfishly and led them into the kitchen where he served up their dinner. “Later we can try something different, if you’d like.”

“What I’d like is to impale myself on that penis of yours.”

“It’s rather large, that may prove difficult.”

“I like a challenge.”

Mycroft grinned and nodded as he sat next to Greg and they began eating. “Oh my darling Greg, I think I’m rather fond of you.”

“I’m rather fond of you too, Crofty-Croft.” He put his hand on Mycroft’s cheek and they stared at each other while they ate, never looking away from the other’s eyes.

Hours later they lay in bed naked again.  Mycroft had fallen asleep and Greg was laying there, thinking.  In the span of a few weeks he’d gone from straight to sore from having a penis in his butt.  It was a big change.  But sometimes change was good. Little did Greg know but Mycroft was still awake as well.  His mind was reeling too about how far he and Greg had come in such a short span of time.  He wondered if he would finally get the tattoo he always promised himself he’d get when he finally fell in love: the name of his lover tattooed in a heart on his butt cheek.  Mycroft thought he would like that.  Then he would be uncomfortable sitting because of Greg much like Greg would be uncomfortable for a day or two after what they’d just done.

The next day at work Greg frowned at Sherlock.  He hadn’t planned on having to deal with Mycroft’s brother.  Sherlock didn’t know about them but would probably deduce it quickly upon seeing Greg sit.  He did.  Sherlock wrinkled his nose at Greg.

“You and my brother touched penises.”

Greg blanched and nodded.

“Don’t break his heart or I’ll be forced to break your neck.”

Greg nodded again and smiled as his butt twinged from the movement.  Sherlock sighed and covered his eyes with a hand before speaking again.

“This is the happiest I’ve seen Mycroft in a long time.  Whether or not I want to, I must be happy for you both and wish you the best. Also get the cake flavored lube.  He will thank you for it.”

Greg smiled and nodded again. “Thanks Sherlock.  Now go deal with the dead body.”


End file.
